Title: Surprises and Confessions

Author: Kate of Kintail

Fandom: Harry Potter

Rating: R

Pairing: pre-Remus/Sirius

Disclaimer: Good gods they’re not mine! How I wish they were! I make no money from this, however, and claim no rights over anything but the plot, such that it is

Summary: Frustrated by the one man he loves and cannot have, Sirius takes a trip to a homosexual brothel

Notes: Sorry if this is cliché. I was inspired, and the images were too yummy to resist. And since I’ve written every other Remus & Sirius cliché alive, I figured I shouldn’t pass up this one

Surprises and Confessions

The smell was there, though masked by a husky perfume in the air meant to cover it. Everything was dim and dark, even the main lobby, as though the patrons were ashamed to be spotted. But Sirius Black wasn’t ashamed. He didn’t really need to be there, unlike the visitors who couldn’t get any without paying. No, Sirius could have anyone he wanted. Well, except for the one person he really wanted, but he’d come to terms with that long ago. No, this trip, like all those before it, was not out of need but out of pleasure. It was, in his very educated opinion, the best brothel in the town.

He plunked a few coins on the counter in front of the man who was scratching at his stubble-ridden cheek and chin. “Want something good this time,” Sirius insisted.

“They’re always good,” the man replied with a toothless smile. Sirius stared him down. “But I’ve got just the thing. Tough, passionate, wild, willing…”

“Sounds just like my type,” Sirius replied with a grin of his own. He was given a numbered key and a collar and leash. He started up the old wooden stairs immediately, fastening the collar around his own neck. While he was certain it wasn’t meant for him, he didn’t want to be left out of the fun entirely. And it had been years since he’d worn one. When he pulled on the leash, the collar strained around his throat. It hurt his Adam’s apple when he swallowed, and he smiled at the sensation. The door was unlocked when he got there, but he locked it behind himself with the key. Then he shoved his hands into the pockets of his leather jacket and paced alongside the bed, waiting.

The light in the crack beneath the bathroom door went out, and the door opened slowly to reveal a thin but built man, towel-drying his hair. He was naked, apart from a cock ring, some nipple clamps. He glanced up past the towel for a moment towards his customer. “Sorry, thought Al would have explained that the collar was actually for… me…” He froze in mid rub of the towel. The towel slipped through his fingers and fell on the floor, but the man did not reach down to get it. In fact, he did not move at all. The gentle amber eyes were fixed on his visitor.

“Moony?” Sirius said, aghast. He had to sit down on the bed lest his legs give way.

“What are you doing here, Sirius?” Remus asked angrily, grabbing a robe from the hook on the bathroom door and wrapping it around himself. He leaned back against the wall, arms crossed over his chest.

“What do you think?”

“Come to mock me, have you?” Remus tightened the tie around his waist, making sure his robe covered him as completely as it could. He tugged at the bottom hem, and the sides.

“I’ve come to have a good shag, actually. Why are you here?”

Remus’ anger melted away as he cracked a smile. “To be a good shag.”

Slowly, a smile spread on Sirius’ face despite himself. He patted the bed beside him. “You want to talk?”

Remus shrugged. “You’re the one paying money by the hour here. Sure you don’t just want to go find someone else?”

Sirius patted the bed again. “I’d like to talk. Forget the shag. I can have that any time.”

“How unlike you,” Remus smirked. “Besides, you can talk to me any time for free,” Remus said with a shrug.

Shaking his head, “Well, we obviously haven’t been, or I would have known about this. Now, I’m the one paying. Aren’t you supposed to do what I want?”

Remus nodded and sat down, careful to keep himself as covered as possible with the robe. Sirius took off his leather jacket and tossed it over, and Remus put it on backwards so it covered more of his front as he slipped his arms through the sleeves. “I thought you were at muggle uni,” said Sirius.

Remus nodded. “Yeah, well, I’m doing this so I can pay to go there.”

“You could have asked. I would have lent you something,” Sirius offered, digging his hand into his pants pocket to see how much he had left.

“Don’t want your parents’ money,” Remus mumbled. Then, anticipating Sirius’ argument, “Yeah, I know I could put it to better use than they could, but that’s not the point. I don’t need you taking care of me my whole life. I can take care of myself.”

“Oh.” Sirius looked around the room. It was relatively bare, apart from the blank red walls, the blanket-less bed, and a dresser upon which was a display of sex toys and aids. “And this is what you call taking care of yourself?”

Remus nodded again. “I should say so. Attending college, holding down this job, working for the…” he lowered his voice, “Order.” He sighed and rubbed the back of his neck, then got up, leather jacket, robe and all, and crossed the room. “What did you expect? I’d be working in a bookshop or something? I had to pay the bills somehow.” Sirius’ silence indicated that when the man had suggested talking, what he really meant was pumping Remus for answers, and Remus needed a little help to get through that. He uncorked a half-empty bottle and poured himself a glass of wine. Finding it difficult to pour, Remus took off the jacket and put it on the right way, leaving it unzipped. “You want one, Pads?” he asked over his shoulder. Sirius did.

Remus returned to the bed with both, sitting against the headboard as he took a few sips. “Maybe it’s not a perfect life, but these are imperfect times. I do what it takes to get by.” He looked around the room now. “It’s really a bad place. The pay is pretty good, and once in a while it’s almost enjoyable. Most importantly, they look after us here. They make sure the customer’s aren’t psychopaths and all.”

“Looked like they slipped up where I’m concerned,” Sirius joked

Remus smiled at this. “Guess so.” Silence followed, as both men sipped the wine. It was cheap and fruity, but good to help dull the shock of meeting like this. Remus couldn’t think of what else to say. He knew from Dumbledore exactly how James and Lily were doing. And he saw Peter on occasion. It was silly to ask about any of them. And while he wanted to ask all about Sirius, he was sure Sirius wouldn’t want him to. Finally, after downing the glass and fighting the urge to go for another, he said, “Sorry you had to find out about me like this. I know Al talks me up downstairs. He’s sweet, he knows I need the money. But I’m sure you had your hopes up. I’m sorry to disappoint.”

Sirius shrugged. “Not like we see each other much since we graduated. No opportunity to tell. And really, what would you have said? ‘Oh, by the way, I work in a gay brothel over on Twenty-Sixth Street. Stop by some time. We’ll do lunch’? Come on Moony…”

“Maybe I would have,” he whispered under his breath, staring at the last few drops in his wine glass.

“I’m sorry?” Sirius narrowed his eyes in confusion.

“Maybe I should have,” Remus corrected himself, loudly. “I mean, maybe we should have gotten together more. We sort of drifted apart after…” Remus didn’t like to remember it, let alone put it into words. It still hurt badly, even though he knew it was meant to have been a joke. He nearly got them all expelled for the stunt, and the four of them had never fully recovered from it. Whatever there had once been, had been killed that day. Not by the werewolf, but by Sirius Black. “Drifted apart after graduation,” Remus said, trying not to think about it.

Sirius nodded and downed the rest of his wine as well, apparently in deep thought about something equally heart wrenching. “Maybe I should ask Dumbledore to put us on more assignments together in the future?” Sirius suggested. “I know James and I could use some help now that Lily’s getting along in her pregnancy. And I know you’ve been getting mostly research work. Or… is that because you have so many other things to do?”

“My assignments were indeed my request, but I wouldn’t turn down some field work if it meant being with you all again.” He hung his head with a smile. “That didn’t come out exactly as I intended.”

With a smile, Sirius chuckled. “So…” He reached over and pushed back the robe. “Nipple clamps, huh?”

Remus grinned. “Well, you’re one to talk. You picked me.”

Sirius retracted at once, looking away with a flush in his cheeks.

“Hey, it was only a joke.” Remus reached over and took Sirius’ hand, to find that the man was trembling. “Sirius?” He crawled closer and cupped his other hand around Sirius’. “What’s the matter?”

Sirius shook his head and tried to pull his hand away. But Remus held it tightly between his two. “All this time…” he whispered, looking down at the bed and trying to ignore the fact that Remus was staring hard at him.

“All this time, what? You’re not making any sense.”

“I know!” Sirius growled, turning his head away completely to look at the door. “What I’m trying to say is… I picked you, Remus.”

“Sure,” Remus nodded, still confused. He wanted to get up for another glass of wine, or the rest of the bottle if things continued on this path. But he refused to let this go. “That’s why you’re here.”

Sirius started to deny this, but stopped. “You’re right,” he said softly. “I came here for a shag,” he explained. “Because I don’t have a steady lover.”

Remus shrugged. “And I don’t have any money. So what’s changed? You were always sleeping with everyone in Hogwarts. You had just about everyone as I recall.”

“Everyone but the one I wanted.” With this he managed to pull his hand free and he shoved both into the pockets of his jeans. He stood and turned away from Remus. “I should go.”

“What, because you’re hurting?” Remus asked, rising slowly from the bed. “That’s no reason to leave.” Sirius thought differently, and went straight for the door. Remus hurried up, getting behind him to hold him back. As Remus’ hand went to Sirius’ shoulder, it stopped short, touching the black hair. “You’re growing your hair out, aren’t you?”

Sirius froze at the touch. Even James hadn’t noticed he was trying to do that. Remus’ fingers ruffled his hair and gently rubbed the back of his head. He closed his eyes, willing this all to end. “Remus,” he whispered, the name escaping his lips. It was a struggle just to say more, “I should go.”

“And why is that?” Remus asked, his voice calm, even.

Terrified by the answer, Sirius swallowed hard, his throat straining at the collar as he did so. He’d forgotten he was still wearing it. Reality rushed over him now like a wave, and he found he could not keep the truth to himself any longer. “Because I’m scared of what might happen if I stay,” Sirius said. He closed his eyes, not wanting to accidentally catch a glimpse of Remus as he spoke. “You were the one I picked, Remus. All those years ago. The one I wanted to love, not just fuck. I never wanted anyone else. I picked you.”

Remus’ hand slowed its petting but did not stop entirely. He took a slow, deep breath in, and let it out even more slowly. “Sirius,” he whispered. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Dunno,” he replied softly, rubbing his hand against the back of his neck as though it suddenly irritated him. Remus took it as a sign that he didn’t want the touch and pulled away completely. “People do stupid things when they’re in love. James and Lily fought like cats and dogs. I… I used you in a prank.” He sighed deeply. “Remus, I’m so sorry about that.”

“You don’t have to apologize again for that,” Remus insisted. “You made it up to me. I forgave you.” But things like that were not so easily forgiven as the words were easy to say. “Sirius…” he whispered again.

“I’ll just go,” he said quickly. “I should go. Really I should.” He went for the doorknob.

Remus grabbed the leash and held him in place. “No,” Remus said firmly. “No, you should stay.” Sirius’ shoulders drooped and he threw a look over his shoulder back at Remus. “You can’t just say something like that and leave me here.” Remus grabbed a fistful of Sirius’ shirt. “Don’t leave me again, Sirius.”

He blinked. “Thought… thought you were the one who…”

Shaking his head, “I couldn’t say it either. Not when I thought you didn’t want anything to do with me.”

Slowly, Sirius turned his body to meet his already-turned head, looking into the soft amber eyes of Remus Lupin. He gave them a minute to show him anything but acceptance. But after a minute with no refusal or recanting, Sirius plunged forward. He grabbed Remus’ face in his large hands and placed a strong kiss on the man’s lips. Remus did not try to pull away. If anything, Remus started to kiss back. Sirius exhaled loudly through his nose and pulled away with a gasp, still holding Remus’ face. Remus’ eyes still sparkled, and the man’s mouth curved up into a strong smile.

“Oh Remus,” he said, sighing with great relief. How he’d wanted to do that for so long. How he’d wanted to confess and touch and kiss.

Remus tilted his head a little, rubbing his cheek against Sirius’ palm affectionately. “Maybe you’ll get that shag after all.”

“Really?” Sirius asked, letting go of his hold on Remus. He was a little shocked, but a little more than a bit hopeful. “Because we don’t have to—”

“I’ve wanted you since we met, Sirius Black. If I wake up tomorrow to find out this was all just a joke or never really happened, I damn well want the memory to be good.” He tugged on the leash, pulling Sirius onto the bed.

“But Remus…” Sirius started, his mind going blank the moment Remus slipped out of the bathrobe. Even kinky, the man looked absolutely beautiful naked. He was tall and lanky, yes, but not terribly skinny. He was a healthy sort of skinny, and his skin a perfect pale color that accentuated his nipples and soft brown chest hair and his cock. Breathlessly, Sirius stared.

“What’s wrong?” Remus asked, looking himself over. “It’s this stuff isn’t it?” he slipped the ring off with a groan of pleasure at doing so. And he unclamped the nipple clamps with gasps at each one. They were large and hurt terribly going on and coming off. “There,” he said, looking up to see Sirius still staring. Remus bit his lip. “You’re looking at my scars, aren’t you?” Remus asked, glancing over his body again self consciously. He was covered in scars from biting and tearing into himself as a werewolf. He hadn’t let the other boys see him much because of it, choosing to take showers at off times or dress behind his curtains. Sometimes the presence of so many was a little off-putting to others. “We can… do it with the lights off so you don’t have to look at me,” Remus suggested. Some of his clients preferred that.

Sirius shook his head. “No, Rem. You’re beautiful.” He shook his head some more. “No, you’re beyond beautiful. It’s just that… technically I’m paying for this and…”

Remus looked a little confused. “And… you want to get your money’s worth?” he suggested. He looked over at the toys spread out over the dresser.

“No!” Sirius laughed, shaking his head some more. “No, I just don’t think our first time should be in a brothel where I’m paying for it.”

“Ah,” said Remus, understanding now. Then, just to play, he added, “So you want me to talk to Al about a refund, is that it?”

“No!” Sirius flopped down onto his side, laughing. He unfastened the collar and leash and wrapped them up. “I just want you… normal you. Not here. Not like this.” He reached an unsteady hand out and brushed his fingertips against one of Remus’ pecks. “Oh, but I do want you.”

Remus smiled. He took Sirius’ hand and kissed the back of it. “I have a flat just down the street. I’ll take off early and we can head right over.”

“Or I can take you to dinner first,” Sirius suggested. It wasn’t that he didn’t want a shag… just wanted to be sure he did it right and didn’t mess things up again. “It’s far past dinner time by now.”

Remus shrugged. “Or I can cook for…” he stopped to see Sirius’ disapproving look. Somehow, Sirius seemed to know how bad a cook he was. “How about we get some take away and eat it after the shag, then?” he suggested.

Sirius grinned. “Get your clothes on. You’ve got yourself a deal.” He put his jacket back on, zipping it up, but keeping one hand out of his pocket. With this hand he took Remus’ and squeezed it, then led the way back down the stairs.