Title: Coming to Terms

Fandom: Harry Potter, Marauder’s Era

Rating: NC-17

Pairing: Remus/Sirius, James/???

Warnings: Voyeurism, lots of smut (scopophilia, sort of agoraphilia, etc.)

Summary: James is questioning his sexuality and takes a step towards certainty

Notes: This is an idea I’ve had in my head for a while and then, suddenly, today’s WP fits it pretty well, so I just had to take the opportunity to write it out!

Writing Prompt: From Toasted Cheese- Scene: a character coming to terms with gender identity and/or sexuality

 

 

Coming to Terms

 

            Just because he compared sizes once in a while in the Quidditch locker room it didn’t mean he liked looking at guys’ cocks, did it? That was just something guys did. Just because a bloke would occasionally swap handjobs with another bloke it didn’t mean he was gay, did it? Especially if the stroking was done to girlie mags. And just because two of his very best friends happened to be gay it didn’t mean he was, too, did it?

 

            Of course, Sirius had seemed straight for the longest while, too. He’d flirt with the girls and moon over them the way James and Peter did. He’d even share fantasies about women with James. So it had been a bit of a shock for all concerned when Sirius had declared that he liked blokes as much as birds but was madly in love with their very own Remus Lupin. But considering who Sirius was, it wasn’t much of a shock at all when gay Remus admitted he was willing to give it a try with Sirius.

 

            But, seeing the two of them together— only much, much closer at times— made James wonder about himself. He was pretty sure he liked women. All he had to do was think about Lily Evans and his blood rushed south. But he liked hanging around guys, too. And he had to admit to being overly excited a few times while off on some grand adventure with his roommates. He’d chalked that up to the situation more than the company, but they were starting their seventh year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardly and James was determined to sort himself out now while he still had the chance. He didn’t want to spend the rest of his life wondering ‘what if?’.

 

            He hadn’t told anyone about his confusion or, as he preferred to call it, his curiosity. But his lack of discussion at times had caused Sirius to pull him aside one morning and ask if he maybe wanted to join in on the morning fun that was to be had under Remus’ covers. James had nervously albeit politely declined and had hurried off to the showers, filled with more curiosity instead of less.

 

            After many long thoughts on the subject, James Potter had decided something must be done about his situation. Taking action, he slipped on his invisibility cloak and hid himself down in the Gryffindor common room.

 

            He knew very well that Remus and Sirius always consulted the Maurader’s Map before deciding on a spot to retreat to for lovemaking, and they wouldn’t go to the dormitory if James was there. But, seeing it was empty, Sirius hurriedly wiped the map clean, slid his arm around Remus’ waist, and escorted the young man upstairs. James quickly followed and managed to slip right in behind them before they locked the door from the inside so as not to be disturbed.

 

            “Finally some time alone,” Sirius purred as he led Remus to the bed. They sat down on it with a kiss.

 

            “Love you,” Remus murmured back, nuzzling Sirius’ cheek and neck.

 

            Under his cloak, James smiled. ‘Must be nice to love someone and to have someone to love,’ James thought. He wanted someone like that. He just wasn’t sure if that someone might be a guy.

 

            Sirius’ hands slid around Remus’ waist, tugging at the bottom of his jumper and shirt. Then up he pulled them, right over Remus’ head. Remus’ light brown hair flopped back into place and his tie fell back against his now bare chest. James had seen Remus in the showers before and had helped bandage him after a full moon. But he’d never really taken the time to really look at Remus’ scar-covered body. Not the way Sirius was doing now. Sirius’ fingers traced several of the longer scars, making Remus smile at the tickles or shiver at the light touches. James moved to the side so he could see around the bedposts.

 

            He finally pulled away with a laugh and lay back on the bed, spreading his legs and lifting his rear off the bed. Sirius pulled off trousers and socks and shorts, then finally went for the maroon and gold striped necktie. He took it off gingerly, holding it across both hands for a moment before wrapping it around Remus’ cock. Curious about this, James watched as Sirius stroked Remus through the slick satin, his fist sliding up and down against the fabric. Remus gasped with delight at the very first stroke, and proceeded to look pleased at each successive one.

 

            When Sirius finally pulled the tie off, slowly, James saw Remus was quite hard. Remus held up both hands, wrists together, and Sirius knelt between Remus’ scarred thighs to twist the tie around his wrists in a figure eight pattern. Then he pulled them back, up above Remus’ head, and bound the wrists to the bedpost, tying tightly. Remus grinned. “Slowly,” he whispered. “Want to see every bit of you this time.”

 

            James wasn’t exactly sure what Remus meant until Sirius began to remove his jumper and it took him practically three full minutes to do it. There was a brief flash of skin as the jumper was finally pulled over Sirius’ head, making his jet black hair staticy for a moment, but James really didn’t see the appeal to such slow undressing. Remus, however, seemed to be loving it. Though he had no way of touching himself and there was no one and nothing touching him, he was still hard and looked as pleased as he had when Sirius had been giving him personal attention.

 

            Sirius proceeded to remove his other garments very slowly. He unbuttoned his shirt button by button, pulling his shirt open at each stage. He unzipped his trousers so slowly James barely heard the zipper. He saw, however, that Sirius would be able to skip the slow removal of his shorts as he wasn’t even wearing any beneath his trousers. There was nothing there but curly black hairs, heavy balls, and an equally hard Sirius. “You like?” Sirius asked, standing beside the bed and turning around slowly so that Remus got a good look at him. Remus nodded enthusiastically and as his hands were bound, his twitching cock seemed to do the beckoning.

 

            As he watched the two naked men regard each other, James shoved his own hand down his pants to check to see if maybe he was hard as well. Remus and Sirius both had quite nice bodies, though for entirely different reasons. Remus was thin and scarred, but his pale skin looked smooth and soft, and he looked fit. Sirius’ body, however, was well-toned with muscles acquired from playing Quidditch. And though Remus’ cock had length, Sirius’ had girth.

 

            Sirius knelt between Remus’ legs, and bent forward, kissing again. This was a stronger kiss, which progressed into all-out snogging with tongues and wet smacking sounds and even some chewing and sucking on lips. Then Sirius pulled away abruptly, leaving Remus wanting more. He ran his hands up Remus’ calves then lifted those legs up into the air. They came to rest on Sirius’ shoulders and though all of Remus’ limbs were stuck up in the air, he looked incredibly relaxed and quite excited.

 

            Sirius grabbed a tube James hadn’t noticed before, lying beside them on the bed, and squirted a bit out onto one hand. He covered his cock with it and slid into Remus so quickly James almost missed it, having been used to Sirius taking his time with things up until now. But now the pace was quicker, more urgent. Remus reacted at each deep, swift, hearty thrust Sirius gave him, and Sirius sighed or moaned or grunted likewise.

 

            “Sirius!” Remus gasped, bucking his hips to encourage Sirius to go in even deeper and harder. “Oh, yes, Sirius!”

 

            The look of concentration on Sirius’ face was unmistakable, though rare. He was biting his tongue which poked out of the side of his mouth slightly, and he was panting heavily in time with his thrusts. Remus’ hands gripped the bedpost they were tied to and he closed his eyes as his body was rammed into harshly, repeatedly and he rode it out with an equal amount of grace.

 

            James watched, astonished. He’d seen rough acts of sex portrayed in those wizarding magazines, but had never imagined this. Remus seemed helpless and, yet, completely blissful and hungry for more. He could see sweat on both their brows, and trails of the same running down Sirius’ back.

 

            But all the effort seemed worth it, as Sirius’ mouth dropped open and his head was thrown back. “I’m—” was all he could manage before his back arched and his whole body tensed up. Remus gave a bit of a whimper, eyes open and staring up at Sirius. Then Sirius’ hand found his cock and the briefest of touches there caused Remus to overflow. He was shooting and gasping and pulling at his restraint not to free himself but because it seemed his body could not contain the amount of pleasure rushing through it by lying still.

 

            And even when it was over, when Sirius had pulled out, when Remus’ legs were lowered, when the necktie lay alone on the bed beside that tube of lotion again, their touches still seemed to have quite the effect on each other. Sirius held Remus in his arms, cuddling him close with a gentleness James would not have thought possible after witnessing such sex. And Remus replied with nuzzles and strokes to Sirius’ chest to slow his breathing and his heartbeat. There was kissing again now, too, small, sweet kisses in all sorts of unlikely places from chin to eyelid to ear. They looked so relaxed and at peace in each other’s arms, James assumed they must be falling asleep.

 

            But then Remus’ mouth curled up from a smile to a grin. “Next time there’s something I want to try on you with both the ties,” he whispered, following that with a kiss to Sirius’ temple. Sirius just chuckled and nodded eagerly, hugging Remus closer.

 

            James backed away from the bed. He’d seen enough to know what it was like. He’d seen the affection and the pleasure, the desperate need and the longing. He’d seen them go through all that and still want more. And he’d seen all that while remaining entirely flaccid. ‘This definitely confirms it,’ he told himself. ‘I’m only attracted to women.’ At that, the image of Lily popped into his head and his cock gave a twitch, growing half-hard against his hand. He grinned eagerly at his body’s confirmation and headed straight for his bed, sure that he could manage a quick pull under the invisibility cloak while Remus and Sirius dozed on the other side of the room.