Title: The Muggle and Most Noble Decorations of Sirius Black
Author: KateKintail
Fandom: Harry Potter, Marauders Era
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Remus/Sirius
Spoilers: CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR DEATHLY HALLOWS! BE WARNED!
Disclaimer: JKR should have known better. I write this for fun and mental health and don’t get a knut for it.
Summary: Everyone knows Sirius likes to keep up appearances.
Notes: Sorry, I couldn’t resist writing this. Because of the rating, you can assume the characters are of legal age to be doing things that they’re doing in this fic.
Weighted down considerably, the great tawny owl crash-landed in a stack of buttered toast. Feathers went everywhere, and James leaned forward and shielded his cereal. Remus made a grab for his and Sirius’ goblets of pumpkin juice, just in time. Peter, however, was not so lucky and traded his juice-soaked scone for a muffin at once.
“Brilliant!” Sirius exclaimed, completely ignoring the chaos at their end of the Gryffindor table. “It finally got here.”
“What’s this then?” James asked before Remus could do so.
Sirius just grinned and untied the package from the rumpled-looking delivery owl which nibbled off some bits of toast stuck to its wings.
Remus eyed the enormous rectangular package, as though his werewolf senses might suddenly allow him to see right through the brown paper to the contents within. The way Sirius was grinning, Remus was sure that it was either another mail order sex toy or something to do with the motorbike he’d been longing for all year. Perhaps a part or a helmet? Though Remus couldn’t see what he would possible want with either while still at Hogwarts.
The delivery owl flew out of the Great Hall as though to put as much distance between itself and the parcel as possible. “It’s a delivery I’ve been expecting for a while. Ordered from a muggle store, so I suppose it took a while to get through the postal services.”
“Yes,” James nodded, looking even more curious thanks to Sirius’ lack of an explanation. “But what is--”
“Got a free period now with me, Moony, don’t you?” Sirius asked, knowing perfectly well they had since it was late April and they’d had the same schedule all of their sixth year. Clearly, whatever it was, it couldn’t be opened in front of the whole hall. Without waiting for an answer, Sirius grabbed Remus by the arm and hauled him upstairs to the privacy of the dormitory by way of one of the many secret passages.
“What is it?” Remus asked, as they flopped down onto his bed. It was large enough to be just about anything, though Remus worried that a sex toy this size would not be as much fun in reality as a catalog might make it sound to Sirius.
“Meant it to arrive when I was still at home,” said Sirius, tearing into the package. “But it’ll do for next break.” When the paper was discarded, what remained was a large stack of magazines. Not just any magazines, however: muggle magazines.
As Sirius and Remus reached for the first two, Remus discovered they were dedicated to motorcycles. There were page after page of pictures and descriptions of various bikes, advertisements for parts, charts comparing features, and tips for purchasing and repairing them. While Remus was not the least bit interested in the content, he loved the way Sirius’ eyes lit up as the young man paged through the magazine before him.
“Thought I’d go through to figure out what bike I want to get as soon as I’m of age,” Sirius said.
Remus looked less than thrilled. “This is what you dragged me all the way upstairs for?” He reached for his bag in hopes of getting a little reading done while Sirius dove into his obsession.
But Sirius was not finished with his explanation. “I thought I’d display them in my room at home. It’ll drive them mad, don’t you think? I’m pretty sure I’ve worked out that permanent sticking charm my mother uses on all the important paintings.”
“Wicked,” Remus said. Thinking of what Sirius’ parents would say to a room plastered with all things muggle, he left the idea of reading schoolbooks behind to share in Sirius’ excitement. He might as well play the part of a supportive boyfriend, even though he couldn’t quite see what Sirius did.
Remus had had no idea there were so many magazines dedicated to motorcycles, and worked his way through the stack, curious about the variety. Perhaps Sirius had branched out to general automotive magazines, or to back issues of the more well-known ones. Remus took each one off the top of the stack and set it aside in a second stack, studying each cover he came across. It wasn’t until he’d nearly depleted the stack that he stopped cold, staring at the magazine before him.
Sirius noticed Remus had stopped and as soon as he understood why, he made a dive for the magazine. He was too late, however, because Remus had snatched it up already and was hesitantly thumbing through it with a look of revulsion on his face.
Naturally, Remus knew that Sirius fancied girls. He liked the way they fell all over him and showered him with compliments. He liked the way they moved, the way they felt. He liked everything about them that James and Peter liked in them as well. Yet, last year, he’d landed in Remus’ bed and hadn’t so much as batted an eyelash at one bird since. It seemed to Remus that Sirius must be using this particular magazine to help fill that void. For on every page was another woman, clad in bikinis or even less, sprawled out beside or perched unnaturally upon a motorcycle. Remus could only make it as far as the centerfold before his stomach seized up and he tossed the magazine right at Sirius.
“Look, mate, the thing about that-”
“Don’t you ‘look mate’ me,” Remus said. “I see how it is. You’ve got some nerve!” When Sirius tried to reach out to him, he scooted back as far as he could go, up against the headboard and wall.
“You know how my family can be,” Sirius tried. “I can’t very well put up pictures of scantily-clad men.”
Remus snapped loudly, “Oh, so you’re perfectly happy to thumb your nose at your heritage every other way, but when it comes to proclaiming you like men you draw the line? I should think your mother would explode if she knew you were bi. But if you’re too scared--”
“It’s not a matter of bravery,” Sirius tried to reason with him, desperate by now. “I’d be happy to anger them any way I could.”
Remus’ voice was growing even louder. “What’s the problem, then?”
Sirius replied plainly, “You.” He paused, and Remus tried not to let his emotions run wild as Sirius then continued. “Regulus is already more than a little suspicious of our relationship. If he knew you were you were more than just a friend …”
“He’d tell your parents and you’d be disowned?” Remus finished.
“No,” said Sirius. “Well, yes, actually. Of course I would be. But I don’t care about that. What I meant is that he and the other Slytherins, Snivelus especially, already do their damndest to get to us. I don’t want them to use me to hurt you, or vice-versa. If I pretend I like girls exclusively… if I pretend I like these tramps…” He pointed at one of the pictures in the offending magazine, of a girl draped over the handlebars of a bike. “It’ll throw everyone off the scent. It’s a whole lot safer if people think you’re just a mate. I don’t even want to imagine what they might do to you if they found out I’m in love with a half-blood, male werewolf.”
Remus paused, looking down at the magazine as well, but found he was smiling. “Padfoot, only you could do something like show the girlie mags you bought to your boyfriend and turn it into something incredibly noble and sweet.”
Sirius beamed. He leaned over, catching Remus up in a strong kiss. Sirius’ arm slid around Remus’ shoulders, holding tight. Meanwhile, one hand caressed Remus’ cheek, making the young man flush hot from the intimate attention. While still snogging, Remus wrapped both his arms around Sirius and rolled with him onto the bed. First it was Remus on top, then it was Sirius, then Remus again, hands moving about but lips locked to each others’. The magazines went everywhere. Those in stacks slid this way and that, covering a good portion of the blankets. The others were bent or opened, pages flapping freely as Remus or Sirius rubbed against them repeatedly.
It was Sirius who stopped it abruptly, both to catch his breath and to reach up and fiddle with Remus’ tie. “What do you think is the first thing I want to do when I finally get a bike?” Sirius asked, undoing the top button of Remus’ shirt in a teasing sort of way before going for the robes.
Remus paused only to yank Sirius’ robes up and off. “Take it for a ride.”
Sirius laughed, nodding. “Yes, but after that?”
“Use that flying charm you’ve been perfecting for years on it.”
Sirius nodded again. “Yeah, all right. But then-”
“Then I expect you’ll want to take it up in a trial flight.” Remus was well aware that this was not where Sirius had intended the conversation to go, but that was what the young man got for asking a rhetorical question outright.
With a playful growl, Sirius tore the sides of Remus’ shirt apart, gazing at the smooth though scarred chest. “What I want to do is to strip down to nothing with you, like we are now.” He grabbed hold of Remus and forced him back onto the bed, against a pile of pillows. “I’ll lie you back against the handlebars, your back against the cold metal and your bare arse on the leather seat.” He caressed Remus’ arse from back to front, fingers lightly brushing over balls and cock until the flush in Remus’ cheeks had nothing at all to do with modesty.
“I’ll lube you both up,” Sirius continued, taking a bottle and squirting a liberal amount onto his palm and his cock. His fingers toyed with Remus’ arse, sliding along the crack, playing with the firm pucker, priming but falling short of penetration.
“Then I’ll sit down facing you.” With sharp knees, Sirius wedged himself I between Remus’ legs, which spread wide the moment after Sirius had already settled down in place. “And I’ll ride you both.” With that, he gave a thrust into Remus. Both men shuddered at the force and feeling and Sirius gripped Remus’ shoulders briefly to adjust his angle while Remus lifted his legs to place them against Sirius’ shoulders.
Every time they made love, Remus couldn’t help but feel a sort of amazement at how well they fit together- how deep inside him Sirius went, how tender Sirius’ other touches were, and how their rhythms naturally synched as one. This time, Remus was also aware of the glossy pages of magazines sticking to his undersides, some of which were probably already wrinkling from drops of lube or sweat upon their pages. He wondered if Sirius would put those pages up on his wall in remembrance of this. He wondered if, alone at night in his bedroom in Number 12 Grimmauld Pace, Sirius might hold his magazines close, savoring the scent of Remus upon them as hands dive down into pants for a good, hearty wank. The thought made Remus’ hips jerk uncontrollably.
Apparently, Sirius’ thoughts were running away with him, as well, for his thrusts were more urgent and powerful than usual. The two men who usually could not hold a thought in their minds during sex were both surprisingly close already. “When you get your bike working…” Remus said, staring up into those pale gray eyes that were bright with arousal. “I want you to fuck me on it,” Remus told him. “While we’re up in the air flying.”
Sirius lost himself completely at this. He managed a warning, “Nngh… huh-Remus-oh!” And then his body gave one more shudder, this time accompanied by closed eyes, a slack jaw, and a vicious groan of pleasure. Not to be outdone, Remus reached down to his cock, giving it one, two, three pumps until it, too, quickly emptied. He came copiously, spilling onto his hand and both of their chests. A few drops might have even spattered the surrounding magazines, but Remus was in no state to examine them.
Remus felt his body cry out for Sirius, then relax so completely he almost forgot how to move. Suddenly, Remus was turned onto his side and wrapped in Sirius’ arms. With the magazines still spread out upon the bed in a sort of nest, the two young men stretched out. He felt Sirius nuzzle into the back of his neck and the gentle curve of Sirius’ lips in a smile was unmistakable. “After all that, who needs the actual bike?” mused Remus, hugging Sirius’ arms to his chest.
Sirius chuckled while reaching for the nearest magazine. It was placed on the bed before Remus, so Sirius could read over Remus’ shoulder. Not sure whether it was what had just happened or the fantasy that had pushed Sirius over the edge, Remus nonetheless began to see the attraction of the motorcycle. The beauty was one of contrasts. There was the shiny silver offset against the startling black. There was the smooth metal and rough leather. There was the strong form with its gentle curves. “Knew you’d grow to like them,” Sirius whispered into Remus’ ear.
Remus shrugged out of habit, though he knew Sirius was right. Remus flipped the pages, pausing on a pull-out poster of a woman lounging beside a motorcycle. “The bikes, maybe.” He smiled as he felt Sirius’ arms tighten in a protective, claiming hug that said he already had everything he could need in a lover. “We have some time still before class. I’ll help you pick out pictures.”