Title: Puppy Sex

Fandom: Harry Potter, Marauder year 7

Rating: NC-17

Warnings: Humor, Badfic, Slash, NO bestiality despite the title

Pairing: Sirius/Remus

Disclaimer: Oh goodness, I wouldn’t do this to the boys even if I did own them! Which I don’t. And no one in their right mind would pay me for this

Summary: PWP in which Remus pays Sirius a visit in bed

Notes: I mean absolutely no offense with this. It’s just your standard amusing badfic. I wholeheartedly believe people should write whatever they like, with whatever characterizations they like. If I read something I personally don’t like, I’ll just stop reading. And I’ve committed most of the offenses here myself in stories… and some of them I don’t consider to be offenses at all (I happen to like pre-animagus nicknames… er… just maybe not to this extent.) Whatever floats your boat! And have fun reading.

Puppy Sex

It was quiet in the room. The sound of Peter’s snoring and James’ slow breathing indicated the other two Marauders were fast asleep. Remus crept across the room in silence, in stealth, being able to sniff Sirius out with his heightened senses and finding his fellow seventh year in bed. Sirius lay awake, listening to the sound of the rain against the window, unable to see the stars and crescent moon for the dark clouds blotted them out.

Remus pulled back the hangings and crawled in and over to Sirius, who greeted him with a warm smile. Remus grinned back, leaning close with a kiss, and then starting to work his own magic over his lover. “Mmmm,” Remus tugged on Sirius’ ear with his teeth. “Been aching for this all day.”

“Aching for it, Moony?” chuckled Sirius. “Who actually uses words like that?”

Remus pulled back. His hands, which had been running all over Sirius’ body, froze in place with one on Sirius’ chest and the other just above Sirius’ crotch. “Apparently, I do. Besides, there’s no one to hear us. We put a silencing charm over the bed.”

“I know, Sirius said, looking around to be sure all the curtains hanging around the bed were tightly shut as well. “I just… I wasn’t expecting it.”

Remus nodded. “Well, start expecting it.” Remus’ eyes traveled down Sirius’ body, taking in every bit of it hungrily. The strong muscles, the supple curves, the soft smile. “Now do you want this or should I go find someone else?”

Before Sirius could answer, the curtains around Sirius’ bed rustled, as though with the wind. They both watched as the curtains we then tugged at. Something wanted to get in to them, but couldn’t. “What’s that?” Sirius said, startled.

“Nothing to be worried about,” Remus replied. “It’s just the plot, Siri-poo.”

“The plot?” Sirius asked, confused. He made to part the curtains. “What plot?”

“Exactly,” Remus replied, pulling Sirius back away from the hangings. His hands began moving again, and his lips found the side of Sirius’ neck, working up and around, covering neck, chin, and the lower part of Sirius’ face.

“Shouldn’t… ah… ohhhh Remus…” Sirius groaned softly, closing his eyes and going weak at Remus’ touch. “Shouldn’t we let it in?” The curtains were pulled at again, to no avail.

“Mmm… no,” Remus said, snaking kisses down Sirius’ chest now, nibbling at Sirius’ nipples. “It will leave as soon as I turn you on enough. And then we’ll forget it was ever trying to get in here in the first place.”

“Oh…” said Sirius, giving the curtains a cautious look. The tugging seemed to be getting worse. “Maybe you’d better hurry with that, then.”

Remus looked up, grinning. “Thought you’d never say so.” His kisses trailed down Sirius’ chest, his face buried in the soft chest hair with snuffled breaths. “Mmmm,” he said, inhaling the musky scent of Sirius’ loins. “Touch me,” he pleaded, sitting up to give Sirius access to him. It hardly needed to be said, as Sirius’ hand was already gravitating to Remus’ skin, pale and scarred but perfect to Sirius’ eyes. “That’s it, now, stroke me, my Star. Stroke my cock.” That did not need to be said either, as Sirius’ hand found Remus’ member, already hard and only getting harder at his touch. Feeling slightly uncomfortable at Remus’ commands, Sirius hesitated, but the man was nearly impossible to resist.

“I want you in me...” Remus murmured, and Sirius gave a pleasured grunt of agreement. Remus slid down, out of reach, to continue kissing the lower regions of Sirius’ body. “I want you to take me over. I want you to do everything I tell you to. You’re mine, Sirius. You’re my hot stud muffin.”

“Remus!” Sirius exclaimed with another laugh, the moment broken again. “What’s with the names?”

In the middle of giving Sirius’ naval needed attention with kisses and licks, Remus raised his head, looking hurt. “You don’t like them? I thought they were rather cute.”

Remus looked so disappointed that Sirius didn’t quite know how to react. “Well… they are cute. That’s just my point. They’re… a little silly, don’t you think? You don’t hear me calling you Remy, do you?”

“Feel free to,” he grinned. “But I’m sorry about the names. Thought you liked them last time…” His eyes narrowed as he thought, all the while his hands ran up and down Sirius’ thighs, slowly moving to the insides and inching their way up to his crotch.

“Last time?” Sirius said, confused. “When the hell did I ever let you call me Siri-poo?”

“Dunno,” Remus said with a shrug. “I guess I must be confused.” He ducked his head back down, running his tongue up the length of Sirius’ shaft.

“Confused? Ah…” Sirius shut his pale gray eyes tightly as he took in a sharp breath. Remus’ tongue was working over the head of his penis, concentrating on the dimple. “Confused?” he tried again. “Why the hell would you be confused? Unless…” He looked down at the sandy brown mass of hair of the young man going to work on him. “You haven’t been with someone else again, have you? James or Snivellus? Because you know I’m supposed to be the playboy in this relationship. You’re supposed to be the shy virginal one.” He narrowed his eyes in his own confusion. “Or is it that you’re supposed to be the aggressive wolfish one, hiding behind the mild-mannered bookish appearance? Now I’m confused… Oh! Oh Remus…” He moaned, as Remus’ fingers found his balls and tickled lightly. He could barely think straight with that going on, let alone hold a decent conversation.

“It is confusing,” Remus agreed, his tongue giving Sirius’ shaft firm licks. “You know, I could have sworn you go from being cut to uncut almost at random.” He gripped the base of Sirius’ currently circumcised cock. “Silly of me, huh?” He opened his mouth wide, and slid it over Sirius’ hardened member, listening to the gurgling moan from his lover’s mouth in reaction. His tongue swirled over the head when he pulled back a bit, then he leaned forward and took Sirius into his mouth as far as he could, his throat relaxed completely in his thirst. Up and down went his head, while his hand messaged Sirius’ sack carefully, tightly. When the sounds from Sirius died down, Remus let his teeth scrape ever so gently against the shaft and another gasp sounded. Sirius was hard, throbbing, his mind far away from the curtains or the confusion now. Remus could taste him on the tongue, and smiled, pulling back to a groan from Sirius. “You should know by now, Siri, that you’re mine. You’re all mine. This is true luuuuuurve.”

Sirius, still reeling from the sensations Remus’ talented mouth had caused, let the absurdity of his lover’s comments slip. Unfortunately, the young man did not stop there.

“We’re meant to be together… you know it, I know it, and the wolf knows it. We’re mated for life.”

Sirius sat up, his pale blue eyes wide as he looked into Remus’ amber ones. “Bloody HELL Remus! You’re still not on about that, are you?” Remus’ hand began working up and down Sirius’ cock, stroking firmly, aggressively. “You know not even real wolves actually mate for life.”

“I know,” Remus said offhandedly, not really listening. “I didn’t really mean to say that. But I just don’t have the energy to go back and change it to make more sense.” He gave the smooth, wet head of Sirius’ cock a kiss, then pulled himself up, placing a strong kiss on Sirius’ lips.

Sirius could taste himself and exhaled hard through his nose as a sigh. When Remus broke away, breathless, almost panting, Sirius ran his hand through his own dark hair to compose himself. “Maybe it’s best we don’t talk, then?” he suggested. “And just get on with it?”

“Ohhh yes.” Remus smiled broadly. “Take me, you sweet piece of puppy—” Sirius placed a finger on Remus’ lips to silence him. Remus gave a sheepish look and nodded. He threw himself, face down, upon the bed beside Sirius, wiggling his arse in the air provocatively.

Sirius chuckled and rolled over, sitting up on Remus’ thighs. He ran his hands over the soft, round cheeks, savoring them for a moment. Then he leaned forward, rubbing his cock against them gently.

“Wait!” Remus gasped. “Go slowly. Make sure I’m ready.”

Sirius rolled his eyes. “Every time? Remus, we’ve been doing this for years. You’re hardly in need for me to…” His voice died away as he caught the hurt, worried look in Remus’ eyes. “All right… of course I will,” he agreed. He stuck his finger in his mouth, then quickly inserted it into Remus’ arsehole. Remus shuddered, tightening then relaxing around the sensation with a pleased groan. Sirius pulled his finger out and stuck it back in, this time with two, and then with three.

Remus squirmed with pleasure, begging for it in his breath. He was obviously ready. Ready and hungry. “Take me!” he moaned. “Ohhhh… ah… take… take me…” he muttered as he felt Sirius shove his way in. Remus groaned, his hands clutching at the sheets, gathering it in his fists until his knuckles turned white. As Sirius began to pump, holding Remus’ side tightly to steady him and push more easily, Remus growled in pleasure. “More… ohhhh… oh yes… harder… oh… ohhhh…”

Sirius obeyed sliding in and out of Remus, riding the man from behind. Remus began rocking along with the rhythm Sirius established. He pushed back, wanting and urging Sirius to go deeper and harder. Sirius was hunched over, one hand on Remus, the other on the bed to hold himself up and keep his pumping constant. Several drops of sweat trickled down his face, down his back. His breath came in labored gasps, growing deeper and stronger and louder at each push in. Remus tensed and moaned, and then shuddered. “Close!” he managed, and then, “Hurry!”

Taking the indication, Sirius quickened his pace and then let himself go, with a deep groan, “Remmmy!” His pale green eyes shut closed tightly. He tensed and shook and then collapsed onto Remus’ back, spent.

Likewise, Remus went rigid as the rush ran through him, tingling and then tightening every part of his body with brilliance and passion. When it had passed, and Sirius weighted him down, Remus gave a deep sigh. “You used a nickname,” Remus pointed out.

He had, certainly, without realizing it. “So I did. Guess the idea grew on me.” His face near Remus’, Sirius gave the cheek a quick peck. Remus grinned and murmured a soft “Love you.” Sirius echoed the sentiment and nuzzled back affectionately. Then he grunted and pulled out, rolling off Remus and onto his back beside.

The sight in front of him stopped him cold. The curtains had been drawn back completely on both sides of the bed. Dozens of faces looked back at them, lying in bed together in their glorious nakedness. He sat up with a start. “Shite!” Though spent and exhausted, Sirius grabbed a blanket and pulled it over him, hiding his privates from view, and draping the blanket over Remus to hide his manhood as well.

“What’s the matter?” asked Remus, lifting his head off a bended arm to look up at Sirius.

“Bloody Hell, Remus, they were watching us the whole damn time!” He coughed, and inched the blanket up higher, covering his chest.

“Course they were,” said Remus casually.

“Well who asked them to? Who the Hell are they even?” replied Sirius, wondering where he’d left his leather pants. There was at least one fag left in the pack in his pocket and he suddenly wanted it desperately. That and a few shots of fire whiskey.

“They’re the fangirls,” Remus said, closing his eyes and resting his head on his bent arm again. “They’re here for the service.”

“The…” Panicked, Sirius looked around frantically. “Remus, some of them are even taking notes!”

“Of course,” Remus replied. “But I’m willing to bet they’re not good notes.”

Utterly bewildered, Sirius barely blinked when Remus pushed himself up and gave him a kiss. “Come on. They want you to cuddle me now.”

Sirius looked from one side to the other. “But they’re watching!”

Remus patted his cheek gently. “They’ll go away as soon as we start cuddling. Even faster if we fall asleep. That’s always where it ends.”

Confused but willing to trust Remus, Sirius slid back down as Remus pulled all the covers up over them. Trying to ignore the onlookers, Sirius took Remus in his arms, letting the man snuggle into his warm chest. Remus sighed and closed his eyes to Sirius’ tender petting. Remus traced a finger against Sirius’ chest, writing something Sirius couldn’t quite figure out. It started with a T, and then an H. Sirius felt his pale silver eyes closing despite himself. There was a double-E, unless one was actually an F. Remus’ finger slowed, as did his breathing, as he listened to the soothing sound of Sirius’ heartbeat. N was the next, and unmistakable even to the tired Sirius. Sirius hugged him closer, resting his head against the top of Remus’. Barely able to stay awake a moment longer, he held out for one more letter, probably a D or a P, before falling to sleep in warmth and comfort, as though they were the only two in the room.