Title: Like a Rabbit- Part 12
Author: KateKintail
Rating: PG-13/R (language)
Pairing: Gen! (OMG imagine that!)
Disclaimer: JKR’s characters, and I’m just borrowing them for some fun. I mean no harm and make no money from this.
Challenge: pervy_werewolf’s Lusty Month of May 2007
Word Count: 788
Kink/Prompt: Today we have naming of parts
Notes: Oh my goodness, I hope I got the terms right!
“All right, boys…” Professor Slughorn seemed uncomfortable in front of the chalkboard instead of behind a cauldron. Perhaps it was just the subject matter of this particular lecture, however. “Today we have naming of parts.” He waved a wand over his shoulder and an image of the female anatomy appeared on the board.
There were the expected hoots and hollers from the classroom of boys, as well as a few stomps on the floor and bangs on the desks. Considering he taught this portion of sexual education every year, he was used to it. He cleared his throat. “As you can see, this is an illustration of a women…”
Sirius leaned over and nudged James. The four marauders sat in a square formation of desks- James and Sirius in the back, Peter and Remus in front of them. “Oy, mate. That’s been your problem. That’s a woman.”
“Ohhhhh!” James smacked his palm against his forehead.
Slughorn was gesturing with his wand, tiny silver sparks flying from the tip. Remus clapped a hand over his mouth at that. It would not do to burst out laughing now. “…and as a girl enters maturity, her breasts grow…”
James leaned forward, whispering towards Peter, who sat in front of him, “Did you see his lip twitch? He very nearly said bristols.”
Peter smirked. Remus looked back. “At least he didn’t say knockers or jugs.”
Sirius poked Remus in the back and gave a look that showed how impressed he was. “Well listen to you! Didn’t ever expect to hear those words out of your mouth.”
“I pick a lot up when I read.” It went without saying that it wasn’t the classics from which he’d picked them up. He was happy to have something to offer.
Back at the front of the room, Slughorn was still focused on female body parts. “This here is the vagina…”
Remus supplied the slang again. “Fannt. Fud. Minge.” The boys chuckled.
“…the labia is here…”
“Piss flaps.”
“…and here in the front is the clitoris…”
“Clit. Bean.”
Shocked, Peter whispered, “My mother would wash my mouth out with soap if I used those words!”
“Hope she uses low-fat soap,” Sirius jabbed. Then, with a reference two the two deserts Peter had taken at lunchtime, “But at least soap is better than cupcakes.”
Peter rolled his eyes. “ I’m not restricting myself to rabbit foot.”
And Slughorn moved on to the male reproductive system.
“I should think the lot of you will be more familiar with these, but the course plan dictates I go through them, regardless. So here you have the scrotum and the testicles, of which there are two…”
Remus jumped in with this as well. “Bollocks. Knackers.”
“…the penis, naturally…”
This was almost too easy. “Nob. John Thomas. Dick. Cock. Ah, willy.”
Peter laughed again.
Slughorn twitched, possibly having heard it. The professor paused, but went on. “This part is called the glans.”
“Bell-end,” Remus supplied, glancing at Sirius, who looked strangely impressed.
Sirius pointed towards Slughorn. “You notice how at ease he his with the male anatomy.”
“I wonder why!” James chuckled. The slug club was comprised of both girls and boys. However, if you took it on looks alone, it wasn’t difficult to spot certain similarities. The boys he handpicked were clearly the most handsome in the school.
“Then, of course, there is the urinary tract. So there’s the urethra…”
Remus hesitated. Terms connected to the act of sexual intercourse were practically commonplace. He was going to lose his audience if he didn’t come up with something. The first thing that popped into his head was, “Piss pipe?”
A loud laugh burst from Peter before he could stop himself. Clapping his hand over his mouth was a good move, but unfortunately he could not take it back. Professor Slughorn rounded on him. “Something funny, Mister Pettigrew?”
“Sir, he thought you said ‘You’re either,’” James explained, swinging his leg under the desk to kick Peter. Peter got the message and laughed again.
Slughorn was not especially convinced. He stared at Peter unblinkingly. “And what does that mean?”
Trying to look irresistible, James cracked his most charming smile and ran a hand through his hair. “I dunno, Sir. That’s why it’s funny, Sir.”
Slughorn’s gaze traveled from Peter to James. A similar smile appeared on the potions master’s face as he undressed James with a look. To Peter, he said decidedly, “Just try to keep your amusement to yourself from now on. We have a lot of material to get through.”
Peter nodded and Slughorn returned to the front of the classroom to explain about erections, nocturnal emissions, and masturbation.
“Far too easy,” Remus said, faking a yawn and waving his hand dismissively.
Suggest a kink!
The title of my “series” this year works on a few different levels. First is the reference to rabbits… and we all know what rabbits are known for: eating carrots! Oh, and fucking, naturally.
Then there’s the reference to bunnies- plot bunnies, to be specific, and that’s where I need help! Please reply to this or any other of my stories with a kink suggestion or request. I’ll write them all down and put them all into a hat along with the p_w mod’s daily suggestions. Each time I go to write another story, I’ll pull a bunny out of my hat and give it a try. So, please, suggest away! (kink only, no pairing restrictions) Thanks :-)